Even in our sex-charged society, there are times in a woman's life when the whole topic of sexuality is negatively charged - with insecurity, with assumptions, with lowered libido or heightened anxiety or simply silence about the reality of changing bodies and expectations.

But as the march of feminism continues, women are taking hold of their sexuality and shaking it up, taking steps to look for lost libidos, and asserting their right to lifelong sexual happiness. Three new books frankly address various stages, challenges and satisfactions of female sexuality. Here, we look at some of these issues through the eyes of the authors, of local women's health expert Dr. Margaret Christensen and of three local women, identified only by their first names because of the intimate topic.

Are you a Passionate, a Seeker or a WMD (Woman Married, Dammit)? Gail Sheehy spoke to women (and some men) from their late 40s through their mid-90s about their passions, dating, marriage, menopause and sex - which seasoned women enjoy at all ages.

But the book isn't just about sex. "It's about passion," says Ms. Sheehy. "Although I do believe that maintaining sexual pleasure is an important part of life."

You don't become seasoned by merely racking up birthdays. "It's something you have to reach for," says Ms. Sheehy. "You have to be open to it and learn how to connect to a passion in life. It's about attitude, attitude, attitude."

Many of the women Ms. Sheehy interviewed were divorced and dating and had active, fulfilling sex lives. Many of those said they enjoyed being single and might not choose to marry again.

Ms. Sheehy says power shifts occur in midlife marriage, with women gaining mastery and many men feeling they're losing it. "Men and women are out of sync during major passages. It's how they handle that. Can they give each other space?" If so, they can stay sexy and get seasoned together.

Diane, 53, of Dallas says her sex life changed just one way since menopause: "I don't have that five-day reprieve a month, so now he gets it one more time a month," she says with a laugh. "I feel like it's exactly the same - he's begging for it every day; I'm trying to get out of it every day." But the couple do face one midlife challenge to their sex life. Although their three kids (ages 14 through 21) are just about out of the house, "my mother-in-law is living with us for weeks at a time," Diane says. "She's in the bedroom next to us. That's even a turnoff for him."

For patients whose friskiness is hitting postmenopausal snags, Dr. Christensen focuses on diet, exercise and stress levels, along with herbs, integrative treatments and judicious use of hormones.

Joan Price met her husband when she was 57 and he was 64. Now, at 61, she says she's having the best sex of her life. Ms. Price's book, part memoir, part manual about everything from hormones to sex toys, includes the voices of other sexually confident women.

Sex after 60 "is great sex, but it's not the same as a young woman's sex," says Ms. Price. "My body has definitely changed, with thinning tissues, much longer arousal time. It's making love in a different body."

But Ms. Price also describes ways in which sex is better for her now. "One is no fear of pregnancy. Also, we're not retired but we can often adjust our schedules, and if we want an all-afternoon delight, we can do that. We've had a lot of experience, so we know what we like, sexually and emotionally. And we aren't racing to the finish. One of the good things about not being so quick to arouse and reach orgasm is that we relish every step along the way. We could kiss for an hour and be blissful."

Carol, 60, of Fort Worth, Texas, has been divorced for 10 years and dated Mr. Almost Right in her mid-50s. "I was just amazed that I still wanted sex; I still had orgasms," she says. "He said, 'You're the best I ever had.' Maybe I got better at it, I don't know." While no longer a couple, the two remain friends - with benefits. "We still get together and have sex," she says. Carol takes postmenopausal physical change in stride. "I go to the dollar store and buy baby oil. That's just part of it. He knows it and I know it. But when he sees me he's ready to go, so there must be something still desirable there."

Dr. Christensen is surprised by the number of women she sees who have never had an orgasm. "I had a woman of 60 who wasn't even sure what her clitoris was," she says. Dr. Christensen partly blames patriarchal religious upbringings that equate women's sexuality with shame, as well as sexual and physical abuse of women. "A lot of what I deal with is helping give women the tools to heal some of those wounds."

Nobody warned Heidi Raykeil that after having a baby, she might lose her libido among dirty diapers and an intensity of mother love that blindsided her. Ms. Raykeil, 34, documented her journey from sex-averse back to hot mama in a thoughtful memoir.

"I think the first step is hearing that you're not alone and not isolating yourself and wondering 'What is wrong with me?' because you're not the hot, sexy, crazy image of a woman that's out there," says Ms. Raykeil.

Ms. Raykeil's journey of self-discovery led her into the gray area of libido, which she found somewhere between biology and psychology. "I couldn't tease out the different pieces," she says. "I felt I was unpeeling an onion. Libido is not one static thing. That's why there's not a Viagra for women that works."

After giving birth 11 months ago, Kim, 33, tried to hide her postpartum depression and lost libido from everyone, including her husband. "I felt like something was wrong with me. I just wanted to spend all my time with my baby," she says. Kim credits her husband's patience, communication, and the antidepressant Paxil for helping her rediscover joy and sex.

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